What questions should I consider when I am choosing a college?

The college decision right now is weighing on the mind of a lot of high school seniors who approach the choice as the biggest one that they have ever made. It is a big weight on the shoulders of young adults. I would encourage these young people to ask some of the following questions:
1. Which is the right size college for me? (Do I thrive in a smaller setting where people get to know me or in a bigger place where I can just be a number and make my own way without direction?)
2. Which college offers the kind of classes I am most likely to be interested in and a variety of ones that I had no idea existed but that may open a new world to me?
3. What kind of community does the college create?
4. Does the college create a collaborative environment or a competitive one? Which one do I like better? Will the classes be small enough that I can get the attention I want (if I thrive on that)?
5. Does the college community extend beyond the four years? (This is where my alma mater Wellesley is so strong–it has been part of my life since my freshman year and it still is over twenty five years later!)
6. Will the college stretch me to become better or will it just let me stay in my comfort zone? (Part of getting an education I think is about stretching ourselves…)
7. What kind of living environment does the college provide? Does it suit my needs?
8. If I had a choice, how would I want to “grow”? What kind of person do I want to be? Will the college help me get there? How will it do that?
9. Will the college encourage me to have special experiences that are uniquely tailored to my interests? (For example, research opportunities, trips abroad and whatever you can think of)

I traveled from Italy to the US to come to college–it was a big leap. To the young people deciding right now, I invite you to know that you cannot go wrong. As long as you are willing to move forward and you are committed to improving yourself by making the best of your education, you will land in the right place. Good luck! May you soar beyond what you believe is possible.
Life is Amazing! Live well.
Anna Grassini

www.lifeinbalancecoach.com

Defying rules by wearing Yoga Pants

Today a group of teenagers have landed in the Houston news for defying their school administration.  What did these brave young women do to get in hot water? They wore yoga pants to school.  Yep, you read it right.  They wore yoga pants to school! Yesterday,  I watched the drama unfold in first person as my writing buddy was bombarded by texts from her daughter who was involved in the protest at a local high school.  I could write volumes about a school administration that worries about yoga pants (supposedly they have a dress code that ensures, among other things, that their graduates will be “employable”).  What is on my mind, though, is the valuable lesson on civil disobedience that these young women are learning and that the administrators are providing with their preposterous concerns.  I also read that supposedly not all the young women wearing yoga pants were in detention.  I wonder how the administration decided to pick on some girls and not others.

As we look at the world there are lessons to be learned everywhere–some of the most valuable ones do not come in books!! I am wearing yoga pants this morning…and I am inviting everyone who reads this to do the same.  But the more important question is: what rules are in your life that no longer make sense? What habits are you following that need to be thrown out? It is always a good time to evaluate what needs to be changed in our life! And for the young women at Memorial High School, think about what the rules mean and what challenging them entails! Standing up for what we believe is always a good thing, no matter the consequences.

Life is Amazing! Live well.

Anna Grassini
www.lifeinbalancecoach.com

Connecting in 2012

The start of a new year is full of promise and hope.  We all wonder what is ahead, making new resolutions along the way.  We fear change and yet we crave it.  I think of change as a dance that lets us take a step forward and two backward, then suddenly we leap forward and we come out new and better. When we conquer a change we desired, we are empowered to soar beyond what we thought possible. Occasionally, we will fall upon a failure–perhaps we had wanted a change that was not just right for us, perhaps we should have taken smaller steps.  It matters not–we do not stay unchanged long and failure is only a station on the path to success.
So as I contemplate the new year, I ask myself what change do I desire? What skills do I want to acquire? What do I want to discard? What do I want to master?
As I ponder my own questions,  the word connection rings in my ears.  That is what I most aspire to in 2012—connection to my authentic self, connection to others, connections to the world. I remind myself that most of us are just like drops of water on this planet.  Little, small things with no permanence. We are all interconnected to each other–we can make a difference as we flow through the universe!  So connect to your friends, make new ones, reach out to some of those from your past.  Most of all, look inside yourself and connect with what makes you a unique droplet in the history of humanity.
We may not all have books written about us, but our life is still worth living fully and authentically!

Life is Amazing! Live well.

Anna Grassini

www.lifeinbalancecoach.com

Reflections on what I wish I had known…

I am not one to sit and cry over spilled milk–let alone regret the past. This year I realized that 25 years passed since I graduated from Wellesley College. So I thought about the past and what I wish I had been told when I graduated that long ago summer. For young people just starting our their post-college lives, here is a list:
1. Your first job out of college is just that–a job. It may turn out to be your passion and your future, or it may be just a landing place and the jumping spot for the next great thing. Use it to build skills and credibility.
2. Keep track of all the people who touch you–today it’s easy to keep them all in the loop with LINKEDIN. Do it while it’s happening…so you will not forget them! You never know when they might come in handy or how you might want to recognize them later.
3. Start an old fashioned folder with all the stuff that relates to your career-put in it your resumes as they evolve, letters of recommendation, assessment results, accolades, lists of skills…and why not, records of your rejections and obstacles if need be. It seems impossible that you would forget the chronology of your own life, but you will. A record in paper that is easily accessible will come in handy when you need it later (and you will).
4. Stay open to the possibilities and be flexible. The one thing I had not planned (falling in love with the guy who became and still is my husband) turned my life upside down but also made it beautiful. Plans are important, but they are not everything.
5. Take calculated risks and be willing to make sacrifices–they will pay off in the most unexpected ways.
6. Be daring and be bold–the world does not belong to those who are timid. And fear is not a guide.
7. When you make from a mistake (and you will), learn from it!!
8. Be persistent: do not give up at the first obstacle!
9. Be intentional about your life.
10. Learn to think for yourself–and challenge yourself to aspire to more.
I wonder in 25 years what I will add to the list…and I am sure yours will be different!
Life is Amazing! Live well.
Anna Grassini
www.lifeinbalancecoach.com

Letting the tears flow

My friend Sarah Biedenharn died. She was 82 and had fought a valiant 14 year battle with ovarian cancer–the silent killer. The disease finally took her body but it never won her spirit. I am writing about this because the only way I can think to honor the memory of my friend is to spread a little knowledge about ovarian cancer. Sarah wanted women to become aware of the early symptoms of this disease. Over the years, she funded research in the field–but most of all, she lived with joy and gratefulness in the face of an illness that demanded much from her body but never took over her mind.
I am not a medical expert and if you even think you could be at risk, you should quickly consult a doctor. Sarah did, and it bought her 14 happy years.
Signs and symptoms of ovarian cancer may include:

Abdominal pressure, fullness, swelling or bloating
Pelvic discomfort or pain
Persistent indigestion, gas or nausea
Changes in bowel habits, such as constipation
Changes in bladder habits, including a frequent need to urinate
Loss of appetite or quickly feeling full
Increased abdominal girth or clothes fitting tighter around your waist
A persistent lack of energy
Low back pain

Sarah was a pioneer–Wellesleywoman who was one of three women in her law class at Yale in the 1950s, a licensed pilot, a philanthropist who believed in stewardship. She used her wealth for the benefit of the community.
She was also a Friend. My friend.
I have spoken before about the wisdom of having younger friends–but the gift of friends who are older and ahead of us in life is a rare one and one that I cherished. She taught me much about finance and generosity, about being a woman who stood for her ideas. She taught me how one lives with a disease with grace–a lesson I hope never to use but that I will remember nonetheless. If I think of myself as a philanthropist, it is because Sarah taught me how.
We parted in June when I said my final goodbye in person. I reminded her of all that I had learned from her–we did not shed too many tears while we were together that afternoon, but I know I cried when I left. I knew–and she did too–that was our last goodbye. It was peaceful, it was amazing…what a gift our friendship of 20 years has been. There will always be a little empty spot in my life–Sarah took a little piece of my heart with her.
I know many other people are grieving–if not for Sarah, for one of their beloved ones. I hope they know the journey of grief is full of riches. The tears that bathe it are worth more than rare pearls. I feel connected to the universe this morning as I think of Sarah. I have confidence that she is smiling down at me…
Life is Amazing! Live well.
Anna Grassini
Honoring Sarah

Going off to college…let there be laughter and tears!

The memories of going off to College are still vivid. This week many parents will be dropping of their children to college–a rite of passage that is likely to generate a bit of anxiety especially for those who are taking long trips away from home. I remember so well flying to Boston from Rome that very first time. My parents dropped me off at the airport–and I arrived at destination with the most severe stomach ache of my life. I had insisted on not crying at the airport–after all, going off to college was something I wanted badly and tears seemed like an inauspicious way to start. I lacked wisdom at 17. Tears would have been a good release–there is scientific evidence that we wash away stress hormones when we cry. And there is stress when there is change.
Still, for all those parents who will be leaving their children at college this month, I hope they will remember that they have given their children wings…and those same wings will now get stronger and allow the young adults to fly. There will be stress, and there will be challenges. May the parents find the wisdom to let their offspring soar and make some healthy mistakes. As for the young people, may they remember that learning is all about failure and mistakes.
May we all own our mistakes, learn from them and walk proudly knowing that because we tried we will be stronger. It is good to remind ourselves that it is gutsy to take on new challenges and find your own solutions…the college years are a wonderful time to do just that–but it is only the beginning of our path in life. It is a good time to learn to persevere and learn from mistakes. The path to success will require no less. Remember to stay safe and do know that there are no silly questions.
And if you are in need to let the tears flow, don’t be shy…they will be healthy tears.
Life is Amazing! Live well.
Anna Grassini
www.lifeinbalancecoach.com
P.S. Having trouble with a transition? Don’t be afraid to share!!!

Thoughts on friendship

Recently friends have been on my mind.

It’s been less than two years since we moved to a new city and left behind a circle of friends that was constructed over 20 years. True, most of these friends keep in touch through occasional visits, facebook, email, a note here and there, phone calls and even skype. Thank goodness for all the ways modern technology allows us to stay connected! Yet, there is something that can be shared only over a cup of your favorite beverage…

Over the last 20 or so months I have dedicated myself to creating new friendships with a vengeance. It has been, without a doubt, the most intense, deliberate, energy-consuming project I have undertaken since my move. Why?

We all know intuitively that friendships are important–real friends enrich us in a way that material possessions, careers and even family cannot. “My friends are my estate” said Emily Dickinson. Friends are the family we choose….but why do friends really matter and why do we need them close?

In this day of technology we have lost touch with the importance of community–we have lost sight that coming face to face with each other, spending time to validate who we are and share what we believe in matters. Sometimes we need to vent face to face, lighten up on a shopping expedition, sit next to each other to pour our heart out while basking in the presence of another human being who understands us. There is nothing that is more meaningful and nourishing to our soul that sharing a moment with a friend in the physical presence of each other…

So in these technological times let’s rediscover the power of human relationships–of human connections that heal us and make us better and stronger and more human.

Last night I sat in an old room at a fancy downtown club that was once a domain restricted to men–four of us, women of different backgrounds, religions, ages and cultures sat sharing a meal. We shared laughter and thoughts, traded stories, gave advice and ignored some too …and when the evening was over, we came away more aware of our powers, talents, and essence validated by the gift of the presence of the others. I know I stood taller…we had found time to create magic in our lives. If this is not good reason to dedicate ourselves to building relationships I don’t know what is!

So make an effort–go out today and reach out to a stranger. If you are willing to open yourself up, to listen and to share without judgment, maybe one day that person too will be your friend…it’s so worth the effort and it will bring magic to your life!

Life is Amazing! Live well.
Anna Grassini
www.lifeinbalancecoach.com
P.S. This blog is dedicated to the fabulous women in my life–and especially to my Wellesley sisters and my Texas friends. You know who you are–thank you. I am a better person because you are in my life.